Everything you need need to know about DE:HR
by Banana Overlord
Summary: Warning! Spoilers might possibly may be in here! Also, first fanfiction. woo.


**Deus Ex: Human Revolution**

Once upon a time, there was a man named Adam Jensen. When people looked at him they were like 'shiiiiieeet mista Jensun!' and this made Adam offended and he backhand slapped them. Then Adam got owned by some aug and then he was an aug and then he punched mirrors. Then, he got called by his company, Sarif Industries, six months after he destroyed his mirror. He was told that a group of lowlife asswipes named Purity First has infiltrated the Milwaukee Research Plant where a prototype weapon called the Typhoon was stored. Oh, and Adam has a girlfriend name Megan but she ded :c

Adam reached the plant not willing to take any chances so his baus David Sarif gave him a revolver. Adam was like whuddafuk man? But Adam took it anyway and named the revolver Diamondback. He annhilated his way through the plant and was reached by Mister Francis Pritchard via some kind of comms thingy. Francis disliked Adam because Adam stole his lollipop as a child.

But Pritchard was forced to work with him. Adam Jensun found some hostages but he didn't know how to defuse the gas bomb so he ran away and left them ded. Then Adum found Zeke Sanders aka Leader Enemy Boss of Purity Farts. Adam was like Challenge Accepted and then Zeke shot some black guy and then Adam shot Zeke and he ded. Then, Jesnes went back to the HQ and found Cassendra Reed aka Mom. She wanted Adam to find out wtf happened to Megan but Adam was like nowai and went home. After discovering his mirror was not replaced, he punched Sherri Ter Horst and stuffed her behind the TV.

Afterwards, Jensen went to the Detroit Police Department and met Wayne Haas who was a commander in SWAT but now he became a crummy desk sergeant. He mad at Adam but Adam was like dealwithit and asked to enter the morgue. Wayne was like NO but some other guy let him in. There, he got some brain chip from some hacker. And then Adam went to a FEMA camp and he encounters Barrett aka Fat-Headed Fattuas Fat Man. Adam incinerates Barrett and goes to China.

There, he find a man running some bar named The Hive named Tong Si Hung, who gave Adam the location of some gay guy named Arie van Bruggen who was actually hacker in the first place. And then, they were attacked by Belltower aka Bad Guys in China. Jensen gave Van Bruggen a machine-pistol and went on his way to steal an access card from some guy. He got the access card and enters Tai Yong Medical aka Even Badder Guys. There, Adam finds some dumbshit named Zhao Yun Ru aka Leader Enemy Boss of Even Badder Guys. She reveals that Megan and other asswipes were still alive. Adam also found out that some moron named Eliza Cassan was involved in this.

Adam went to Montreal to Picus TV to find Eliza Cassan to talk to her to make her to reveal to the to secrets to of to the to dumbshit and her plans. Adam finds her in Room 404 but was a trap and Adam rode a funicular to Room 802-11 and found out that Eliza was actually a dumb computer. Then, Adam encounters Yelena Fedorova aka Some Invisible Asswipe and Adam defeats her with his mighty lightning powers. Afterwards, Eliza reveals that William Taggart aka Sum Anti-Aug Guy, and Isaias Sandoval aka Taggart's Little Assmonkey were involved as well.

Adam goes to Detroit again and meets his bau5 David Sarif in his apartment. Sarif tells Jenusn about the Illuminati and their plans to take over the world. Jensun then went to the Detroit Convection Center to face Taggart and Adam humiliated Taggart in public and made Taggart his bitch. Then, he went to China again but was shot down and pilot Faridah Malik was trapped and needed help. But Jensnus was like fukdat and then the ship asploded.

In China again, Jensen, again, finds Tong, again, in his Harvester hideout and finds out that Tong is wearing sum Russian guy's aug arm. Tong makes a deal with Amda Jesness that involves Tong's son.

Jensen rescues Tong's son from scary jail with big scary guards. And den, Jensen got a bomb. A bomb. A BOMB. From Tong and when he planted it he had 10 seconds and he was like ohgodohmanohgodohshit and, like a car crash in slow-motion, he flew through a windshield and made his way into one of them pods.

Jensen arrives in Singapore to- WAIT WHAT? SINGAPORE? HOLY DUCK SHIZZNIZZLE! Anyway, Jensen had to find Megan and other asswipes in the Omega Ranch Facility. There, he find all of the asswipes except Megan. Then, he found the sonofbich aug that owned him earlier named Jaron Namir. Adam defeats Jaron with a punch. Seriously. Then he finds Megan who was actually working with THE FATHER OF HUMAN AUGMENTAION aka Hugh Darrow. Then, Hugh Darrow the Science Guy broadcasted something from the Arctic Circle that made augs insane. Adam took a giant high-speed acid trip nyan shuttle to Panchaea aka The Arctic Asshole of the Earth. There, he goes all COME AT ME and fights zombie goasts. Jensen finds Hugh Darrow the Evil Science Guy who suddenly talks about Daedalus and Icarus I mean srsly who the hell cares anywa- Adam gets some code from Darrow and goes to some place called the Hyron Project or something.

Here, Jensen finds Zhao Yun Ru aka the dumshit from China earlier. She was all powerful and shit but Adam Jensen the Augmented People Person defeated her by typing 2012. And then she boomed and Jenessesnsensen self-destructed Panchaea. Everyone dies.

Tl;dr: Jensen explodes a great hole in the Earth and everyone dies. The end.


End file.
